The Mamogram Fear

Today I took the plunge and was on the phone to try and schedule my mamogram, and I had been on hold for what felt like an hour and probably was considering all of the wait time. I finally got a real person and I got a text message from my sister. I looked at it and said, I gotta go and hung up the phone.

My sister had just had a call from her dr. that her mamogram came back with changes to her left breast and they wanted her films from last year, so ironically she was going to the very place that I was calling at the same time that I called her back after getting her text.

She and I talked for a minute and she said she would call me back, but it was later in the day when she did call me and was on her way to work. So we still have not talked.

I have put my mamogram off and yes I know how crucial it is, but I have this horrible fear. It is like the dr.s say it is time for your breast screening and mamogram and I freeze. I know it sounds irrational but the fear is terrifying to me and in the back of my mind I think… what if my procrastinating caused me to die from breast cancer but could have been prevented if I wasn’t such a coward?

I don’t know…. But I do have an 11:00 appointment for the boob squeeze and a follow up with my internal medicine dr at 2:00 where he can yell at me for not having the mamogram done 2 months ago.

November 15,th 2012.

I am worried for my sister. This is not her first time with cancer. She had cervical cancer right after her third child was born, and she has had several procedures done on her left breast. My sister Linda said that she set off the alarms in airports going to Jamica.

I will be sending lots of well wishes to my sister…. TTYL.

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