Up Before Sunrise, WoW…..

The last two days have been rough. I had to go to Dallas on Monday to see my PCP and he gave me a round of antibiotics just in case I had a secondary infection somewhere due to the fever that I have had for almost a month. He called it a Viral Syndrome but said it had been long enough that I could have some extra help. I went to bed last night with no fever and awoke at 6 this morning needing a cup of coffee.

Ahhh Coffee. I have to give it up. At least go to decaf and there is a big reason for that.

Yesterday I went back to Dallas to see my Gastro dr. I had a scope done on Dec 11th that shows I have multiple stomach ulcers. One is pretty bad. He went over my medications and took me off of the 325mg of aspirin that I was taking and said that it was eating up my stomach.

Also my Alahacalisa is pretty bad. He tried to dialate the sphincter but was not successful although he did get it open enough to insert the scope.  I need the surgery and guess what? He cannot find a surgeon in Dallas that is qualified to do this surgery since it is so rare. Only 2 in 1000 have it and usually not to the extent as I have it.

Also I am having some problems with my kidney. That is not unusual since I have dealt with that all of my life but it is going to be Feb 5th before I can get in to see the kidney specialist. I am in a lot of pain. Mainly in the late afternoon since I am up doing so much during the day.

I had a talk with my neighbor about Boundaries and why I need them and it really went well. I put a sign on my door that can be flipped if I am up for company. One side says Welcome and the other says

“Friends this is not meant to offend, but everyone needs their own time. Please do not disturb, leave a note instead.”

So I have a package of Hot Pink sticky notes and a pen in place for the ones that will leave me a note.  I explained to my neighbor that sometimes in order to manage my depression I need time alone to work on things and think and just be by myself. I am not a hermit but I really value my quiet time. Such as this morning. This is the first time that I have actually gotten to sit down and write without being rushed and interrupted.

I ended a friendship New Years Eve night. Actually it was the night before. The company that I am with that provides my Aide to help me came to assess me one day and asked how my Aide was working out and I told her that I did not have one. My friend was helping me, and they got to talking and she asked my friend if she would be interested and she said she would be.

I should have listened to my gut instincts but I knew my friend could use the money and I could use the help.

So my friend took the job, helped me really great for about a week and just stopped coming over. She took another job that was just supposed to be weekends only but ended up full time so I told her, I don’t care what time you come over as long as you come over.  She did for a while and then nothing. Once a week maybe and then she just did my dishes and left saying she would be back and not come back.

I should have called and reported her but I knew she was struggling and needed the money so I talked to her and she did get a little better but the month of December when I was so sick and in and out of the hospital and truly needed the help she didn’t come to help me.

She came over Dec. 30th and I told her that I needed her to go to the store for me so I could cook for the New Years Eve party the next night. I was asked to bring a pot of greens. She told me that she had to go home and take a shower and be right back. At 8:00 pm I texted her and told her to just forget it. I was sick and sure as hell wasn’t going to sit up all night cooking greens. I wanted to cook them a day early because they are better the next day. Instead I called and canceled my part of the party and never went. I was pretty sick with fever and chills and did not need to contribute my illness to anyone, but I felt bad because another friend who was also sick went out and got them and cooked them for the party.

So I told my friend/aide to turn in her paperwork and not to come back over so today I have to call them and tell them that I need another aide. I was just to sick to deal with it on the 2nd of Jan. and then I had all of these dr. appointments that needed to be taken care of that I did not feel up to having a new worker come in, but today is the day that I will be calling. As a matter of fact now is a good time. Be right back.

Now that is done and I am waiting for someone to call me back. Isn’t that always the way it goes?

I try to do things around here myself but I cannot bend to clean my bathtub and behind the toilet and vacuum and sweep and mop and that is what I need. It is just 3 hours a day, not all day and I am not demanding at all. I was so lenient on my friend that she took advantage and what really got me is that she was turning in hours that she didn’t work. Sometimes I did not see her for 3 or 4 days and then she would run in do my dishes make an excuse and leave. I have been trying to keep up by myself and I just cant do it anymore.

Anyway I have a call in and hopefully my case worker will call me back. I sure hope so. If not then I am going to change companies. This will be my 5th aide in a year. One woman would leave and go sit in her car and smoke, then the next girl was pregnant and her boyfriend would sit in the parking lot to make sure she really was at work and she would have to run down to check on him and reassure him that she was working. NOT. What little she did she did half ass. The next girl brought her kids to work with her and her sister and her baby with her and the kids begin fighting and knocked over a tall bottle of blue Gatorade, knocked into my table and spilled my sensi candle wax all over my carpet, beveled glass table and wall. The baby spilled a whole can of soda. She wasn’t making them mind and I told them to sit down and listen to their mother. She got mad and never came back and now this girl.

Well the company called me back and will find me someone else. I am glad that is over and done with.

On to other news…. Laurie is dilated 1cm and will be 37 weeks on Saturday. Our baby can come anytime now. I just cannot wait for him to be here and for Laurie to have a safe delivery. She hemorrhage’s during delivery so I get really scared. She has done this with both pregnancy’s and I was very worried when she told me she was pregnant again.

Her due date is Feb 1st but she does not think that she will go that long. Her Braxton Hicks contractions she said are very intense now and are happening every few hours then stops and starts again. I guess it is just a waiting game from here on out.

Guess I better go. I have been on here a long time. See what happens when I have free time? Wow… I think that I like it! Blessed Be to all.


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