Back again

I shall never end another post that says I will be back soon, or tomorrow or anything like that again. Something always happens and it is weeks before I can get back to my blogging.

I really don’t know where to begin, or even if I should share what has been happening in my life. I need to get it out and perhaps blogging will help, on the other hand some of it is so embarrassing that I feel ashamed to even think about it let alone blog about it.

After I was released from surgery I went to Austin Texas to my daughters house.  2 days after I left my boyfriend was arrested on some stupid charges spanning back years ago. He is in jail and I don’t think that it is looking good for him. I won’t go into detail because it is his story and not mine, but I am devastated and will support him because I know that he is not guilty of the charges. That said I will move on.

The first few weeks at my daughters house was alright I guess. They worked all of the time. What I mean by they is Jonathan, Karyn and Brad worked all of the time. Karyn’s boyfriend Joe did NOT. He is a Asshole and a big one at that. He loves to sit around and make snide remarks about people, especially if he knows that they are listening. Then he will go beyond that to some things that are just wrong.

One day he went to the bathroom and started yelling, “Come Quick” so my son and I rushed to the bathroom where we thought that something was wrong, that he was hurt and he said “Look at that Turd and tell me that it isn’t a beautiful master piece”.

He thinks that kind of stuff is funny. He thinks that it is funny when he knocked Jonathan in the bathtub and pull his hair out, where he badgers me and Brad and argues over stupid stuff for hours and hours at a time. Everyone walks on egg shells so they don’t piss Joe off. FUCK THAT!!!!!!!!

And the excuses for Joe are so many that there is not an excuse on the face of this planet that he hasn’t already used, but the most popular one i … Joe is bipolar and he is off his meds. No he isn’t. He may have some issues but I think that we all have some issues. It is how we deal with them. If he was truely bipolar then he would go off on every body. He wouldn’t care who they are, but he has enough snap not to go off on a police officer or a stranger or anyone of authority. He doesn’ show his bipolar side to his friends and HIS fanily, but to Karyn and her family it is not unusal for him to go off on us several times a day and like I said earlier, FUCK THAT…. So I took all that I could take and said no more.

I received my back pay on my social security, and I needed to do a few things with that money but instead I paid Karyn’s light bill, bought groceries, helped register her car, bought necessities for the house, toilet paper, soap, shampoo and conditioner, laundry soap, cleaning supplies, etc. The only thing that I did with that money for me was get another phone because mine bit the dust and buy me some clothes that I ended up taking back so that I could give Karyn money to get back and forth to work.

When my money run out then Joe started in on me again. Once before, back in the early weeks that I was there he was constantly on me. I kept trying to get away from him but he cornered me in the garage and I felt like he was coming after me. I could not find an escape. It really did something to me. I couldn’t stop crying for days. Here I had been recovering from a life threatening surgery and this sorry SOB was pushing me right over the edge where one day I just finally reached my limit and decided that I would just end it all. My son Nathan found me and got all of my pretty little pills and called his sister and they took me to a hospita where I voluntarily signed myself in. I am ashamed to admit that I ever thought of commiting suicide. I had great care and great doctors who told me that I exhibiting signs of clinical depression. I had a break from reality.

Well wouldn’t you know that was just more fricking ammunition for Joe to use against me? I was then labeled at as Fucking Lunatic. That is what he would call me. I tried to blow it off but it was hard. The last straw came about a week ago. A week ago today actually, he stared in on me. Telling me that I was too much of a burden on Karyn, that she was stressed out because of me and I needed to leave. (Yeah after I spent all my money at your house now is the time to tell me to leave.) That they didn’t have the room for me, that he did not even know that Karyn was bringing me home with her until the last minute and that it put them in a bind not only financially but space wise and stress wise. He wouldn’t even let me go outside and walk around becuase I wasn’t on the lease and they might get evicted. Thank God I did not go down to the office and put myself on the lease like we had planned.

Anyway then Matt/Brad came home from work and Joey started ranting and raving at him. It was so bad, he kept trying to get Matt to hit him and Matt refused and that just pissed Joey off more and so I called Karyn. I had come across some information from Matt earlier that morning but he did not want me to tell Karyn but in the end I had to break that promise and tell her that Matt had seen Joey messing around with my USED Insulin needles. Joe had been insistant that I throw them in a large pringle potato chip can when it got full that I could just tape it up and throw it away and no one would get hurt. I didn’t mind that. In fact that is basically what I have always done with my used syringes. But when Matt told me he saw Joey in my needles and he was acting all crazy and shit I had to tell Karyn that I thought that he used them for something else and she informed me that she thought the same thing because they had a knock down and drag out fight at 4:30 that morning. So she came home and kicked him out. He belly ached about the car so she gave it to him and he left but came back. It went on and on for the rest of the day.

That night he started in on me again and Karyn was sitting on the couch next to me and he kept trying to get me into responding to him and I wouldn’t. I told him that I was not going to fight with him and I went to the kitchen to make me something to drink and he followed me. Up all in my face to the point that I snapped and he kept blocking my way and yelling at me and I said at one point because I was afraid that he was going to hit me that if he layed a finger on me then I was calling the police and press charges against him.  By this time Karyn was trying to get him away from me and when that didn’t work she managed to get me past him. I was headed down the stairs and he blocked my path and I told him to move and he didn’t and so I asked again and he spread his arms out and prevented me from going down the stairs and before I knew it he was wearing a face full of coke. I poured that shit all over him.

He got out of my way, but then he threatened to call the police on me and have me arrested for assault with a coke so Karyn made me go outside where he followed to tell me that I was not allowed back in HIS house ever again. So I was out there until midnight and a friend of Karyn’s came and got me and took me to my other daughters house for the night and the next day I caught a bus t Dallas to my sister’s house.

So that is where I am now and I am going to try and get some money together and go home. My utilities were shut off in Arkansas so I have to have money to get them turned back on and some groceries. I have spent all of my money in Austin. My fault I know. I should never have listened to Karyn. I should have known that Joe would prevail, he always does, but he even pulled some shit after I left and Karyn is still with him. And she put up wih his crap that was far worse than what he did to me. And she is still with him. Well that is fine, I am dissapointed in her choices but it is her life and I wish her well and I won’t say anything else to her, but I hope she wakes up really soon because he is capable of hurting her brothers and her.

I may have checked in to the funny farm because I knew I needed some help, and I think that he should be there too. The difference wih me is that I knew I needed the help. He thinks everyone else is crazy and he is perfect. What a crock.

Gotta go. I don’t know when I’ll be back again. Soon I hope.

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