Walking away was a hard decision
When two people get married they think that it should be forever. I did not enter my marriage with forever after in the plan. I am not sure what I was thinking, but it was not how I should have felt.
I had a little nagging doubt in the back of my mind and it surfaced often before I ever stood in that little church with family and friends and before God and pledged my vows.
I could see myself in the movie Runaway Bride years later when it came out. If I had seen that movie before I married then perhaps I would have ran away too.
The marriage was never what I would call happy. It had it's moments. Moments that were happy like when the children were born, and events revolving around the kids made me happy.
I don't think anything ever made him happy. Not even the kids.
At any rate, after 19 years I knew that I couldn't stay any longer. It was not a decision that just affected me, but also 5 kids who didn't understand just how much my decision was going to affect them.
Will I ever marry again?
No I don't think that I will ever make that kind of commitment again. Not that I have anything against marriage, but for me I just do not need it. I am happier without it. I really am.