Don’t Nag Me

 Don’t Nag Me

 Nag, Nag, Nag, is what I heard upon waking up Saturday morning. I was slumbering really well, as I should have after sitting up well past the bewitching hour reading Nora Roberts second book in the Quartet Triology, Bed of Roses. It is one of those Awww books and I just had to read one more chapter. After I fell asleep holding the book for about the third time, I decided to turn off the light and go to sleep, at least for an hour or so, only to have someone grab my foot and pull it from the covers.
 I know I must have opened my eyes, or at least an eye as my friend said…. “Get up, it is 5:30 and we are going to go for a walk.”
 I mumbled something, yanked my foot back into the covers and promptly went back to sleep. “You need to get up, it is almost 6:00 now”
I know that I was not polite when I said get out and leave me alone. I said all this without even opening closed eyes. I know I snored because I woke myself up for a half of a second and rolled over. At aproximately 6:15 I was not amused. I sat up in bed and looked at my friend. “Listen it is a holiday weekend for Pete’s sake. I am intitled to sleep in if I want too.”
 “No, you need breakfast, medication and exercise. Get Up.”
I will show you, I thought and pulled the covers up to my chin and relaxed against my fluffy pillows, shut my eyes and was in the process of continuing my dream where I won the lottery and I was Happily spending every red cent. When my friend did the worst thing that could end a multi million dollar dream.
 The dogs! Yes sic-ing the dogs on me. They leaped upon my bed and then they leaped upon me as they heard the words, “Tell mama you want your bones”….
 Seriously if I could have breathed I would have made a Sailor blush with everything that I would have said, but never got the chance. Have you ever had 110 and ten pounds laying on top of you, licking you in the face and barking in your ear? Oh and let’s not forget the two tongues that decided I needed a bed bath.
 Ok so I was up and that was a dirty trick. That was hitting beneath the belt. Even tho it worked and I was up I was not pleased.
 I decided that I could do some nagging of my own. Only I didn’t have the energy to say much of anything. However the steaming cup of coffee sitting on my night stand was slowly inticing me to at least push the dogs off of me and partically sit up.
 “That was mean” I said and took a sip of my coffee. It was too hot to gulp down so I did it slowly.
 “It worked. Now you need to really get up and put on your walking shoes, eat breakfast and get out there and walk. You need to think of your blood sugar and it is nice and cool right now.”
 I was in for a lecture mode. I have been slacking lately. Really slacking, but what ever. I didn’t speak, I just sat/laid there and pouted. I heard the dogs run thru the house and the front door close and I laid back and thought of everything that I could have nagged about.
Let’s see…. I will never complain when you do my dishes. To be honest house work is not my cup of tea, so you will never hear me say “Oh you don’t have to do my dishes.”  I will not ask you to do my dishes, but if you do them without my asking, I will be glad. But…
 You know that my kitchen is put together for efficiency. I mean that the cooking utensils are placed by the cooking apparatus called a stove, or work station. I do not toss my plastic spoons and spatula’s, ice cream scoop and cheese slicer in the drawer with the trash bags.
 Speaking of trash, that is another thing that I will allow you to do. Take out the trash, but geeeez do you not know how to put a fresh bag in the trash can??? It is really simple. I am the one that has to wash out the trash can because you do not know how to open the drawer and take out a bag. But you sure know how to open the drawer to toss in all of my cooking crap.
 Laundry is the next thing on my nagging list. When I say, “I’ll do my own laundry” that is one thing that I really mean. I am really picky about my laundry. I have them sorted in little piles for a reason. Like I do not like my whites washed with my colors. I detest washing my jeans and colors with towels. I am against wearing lint. Especially fuzzy white towel lint on my favorite black t-shirt.
 I know that you think that if you cram the washer to the max then the clothes get done faster, but faster is not always better just like using a whole bottle of cleaning solution does not make things cleaner. More is not always better, sometimes it is just more. But I do not say anything to you. Nope I try and get my laundry done before you can put your little hands on it. If I see you take out the trash I rush to put in a new bag before you toss something yuckky into it. If I find my bowls without lids hidden under the kitchen sink along with what ever is left of my 409, Fantastic, Lysol and what ever, I remove them, put them where they go. I do not nag at you.
 Even when you fall asleep on my couch instead of your couch, I let you sleep til you wake up. You do not hear me telling you to get up and go home. Hell no, I may be slow but I am not stupid. If I let you zone out on my couch, I am guareenteed a few perks even if I have to listen to you nag.
 I know that there will be nice hot coffee, some form of breakfast, and a few last minute chores done before we head out the door. Still… on weekends please let me sleep…..
 As for the dogs, now listen to me. My dogs are in a lot of ways my best friends. They are spoiled rotten, I agree, but do you have to encourage them to crawl into my bed and on top of me, nuzzling and licking me and barking in my ear with yuckky very yuckky doggie breath? Do I do that to you? I am not that insensitive. I would never sic both of them on you at once. One at a time maybe, but not both of them!
 And more especially not after they have rolled around in something that is more than disgusting or wet because you let them out to play in the rain and after they roll around on me, I have to change my sheets (more laundry) and take another shower (more water) all for the sole purpose of getting me up out of bed so that they can have their bones and be pampered while I struggle to come to life.
 Nope, I still have a shred of consideration. I ooooh and ahhh over those beasts and let them have their fun and play silly bone games with them while you are out doing what ever it is that you do.
 But I warn you now, I am done being nice. Next time you want me to get up and exercise my eye lids with out my permission be warned that I too can be devious. Or a Bitch, whichever you prefer. I will accidently put salt in your coffee instead of sugar because I will be half asleep. I will come to the couch where you are sleeping and if I have to drag 110 pounds of dog onto the couch to sit on you, I will. If you ever need me to do your laundry I know how to mix and match too. Work jeans with good jeans crammed with grimy socks and underwear stuffed to the max in my washer with a whole bottle of detergent works for me too.
And when I go to your house I will hide your cooking utensils so that when you need a spatula to flip your fried eggs and you reach into your drawer to get it just because it is supposed to be there, and then have to hunt all over the kitchen to find it and finally find it stuffed into the junk drawer and your eggs are turned into flat black rubber things then maybe just maybe it will sink in. Then on the other hand, maybe not. You are you and I am me and this has been going on for way to long and if it hasn’t changed in all these years why should it now? Hmm…
 Alright, on to more stuff and I am sorry to say that it is just stuff.
 Labor Day weekend after I managed to come to life, was alright. I made baked beans, potato salad, cole slaw which I forgot to put out with dinner. Grilled bbq ribs and chicken and an assortment of other things. The meal was great and the nice thing was that there was no rush and I was even allowed to take a nap with the dogs curled up at me feet.
 Burning leaves and cleaning the back yard was nice too. So was the Mojitos that I drank and the movie that I watched that evening. I enjoyed staying home and doing nothing. It was nice.
 Monday was ok too. I cleaned a little here and there, and read Nora’s book every chance I got, ate left overs and went for two walks and talked to the kids.
 Matt went to the emergency room where he was diagonsed with three bleeding ulcers and of course he knows more than the dr.s because he is not supposed to drink orange juice and he is because he wants it. OK pain city if that is what your after Matt.
My Alex will be a year old on the 13th. I just cannot believe it. It looks like I will have to send Deanna the money for his present because I will not be able to buy it and ship it in time. Darn it, I knew I should not have waited this long to get it for him.
 I talked to Dave for a good while on Monday and then to Laurie and listened to the kids play. I talked with Karyn for a few minutes, well closer to a half hour. And Nathan called me for the last 3 days and I suppose if we can come up with the money then he will come out here. I told him to gather up as much as he can.
 So the only one that I did not get to talk to was Jonathan and that does not suprise me. He never calls me and when he does it is a major deal on my part. He has never liked talking on the phone. He was sixteen and did not call and talk to girls on the phone for hours. Matt was 8 and all he did at that age was talk on the phone to girls for hours.
And I missed out talking to Joe. But I rarely talk to him either.
 All in all it was a good weekend.
 We are getting much needed rain from someplace where there is a tropical depression that may be a hurricane or something. I haven’t paid much attention. Still it is not a good day for walking. I could use my umbrella but… I would rather stay inside and drink coffee and listen to the rain pitter pat on my roof.
 I just talked to my sister and she was going home after work and seen a truck in the ditch, I suppose because of all the rain it made the roads a slick mess. Anyway she said it looked like her sons truck, so she tried to call him and is still waiting for a call back. So we are both on pins and needles right now. I hope not, I hope he is ok and I am worried.
 I really need to go someplace and get online. It has been days now, but I did check into some internet services and it is really expensive. I just don’t know if I should take the chance and get it or not. I can only get internet if I choose to bundle with cable and a landline. No Wi-Fi here. And $99.00 a month plus tax is a lot of mooola for me right now. I know, it is sad to be poor. I just think that food, shelter and water, electricity and phone is more of a necessity at the moment, oh and my car and my dr.s and my medicine not to mention keeping the Beasty Boys in food and doggie bones.
 And since the Nagger went home last night, I think that I will get up and fix myself a nice breakfast and linger over it with my Nora book and finish that up before I start on the other Nora Triology and pretend that I am a lady of Leisure instead of a poor old working girl on a budget…… Ta Ta….


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