What? I am too young to go to the party
I can’t believe that I am too young to party with the Senior Citizens. Yup that is what I was told. “Honey you have to be 55 or older”. I tried to explain that I will be 55 in 4 years, 1 month and 19 days, but they won’t budge on their POLICY and let me in. I am ready to protest, only I do not know who to protest to. The Senior Citizen Police? Nope they would be in cohoots with the Senior Citizens.
The SC’s in town are having a luncheon. They are going to have food, music, dancing, games, drawing for prizes, and who knows what else those SC’s will be doing. And I wanna go. I wanna eat and dance and be merry. I wanna spike the punch with vodka, gin or rum, or all three. I wanna know who is doing what. ( I mean I can find out some juicy gossip by just listening to the SC’s talk). It isn’t their fault really, they are all practically deaf and have to shout half the time just in case the hearing aides aren’t working properly.
Hey I will have you know that I came across some very juicy gossip the other day. It seems that a few weeks ago when the watermelon was ripe and juicy, somebody snuck into the watermelon patch and STOLE several ripe and juicy watermelons. It was a crying shame!
So see, you just never know what is going to be said, and if the room is filled to capacity with SC’s then I would get to sit and listen to it all. And then there is more….
I could watch the SC’s dance. Or rather I could watch who is dancing with who. I mean that is a big big big deal here. I mean it is huge in fact.
Brings to mind that song “Who’s cheating Who? ”
But I don’t actually have to go to the party for that. I just stand in line at the one and only makeshift grocery store they have here and listen. I can find out who sold their food stamps, who is going out with that boy/girl in Phillips county, who just got a new car, who just got slapped around, and much more. Especially who is cheating who and that is not a lie!
It is never a dull moment in the line at the local mini mini mall. It can’t qualify for a mini mall. Hell it can’t really pass for a real store. But I can get Ice and fishbait all at the same place. Keeps me from having to drive another 3 blocks, ya know.
You know I bet those SC’s will play Bingo. Now that really chaps my butt because I have not played real Bingo since I was 15 and my father Insisted that I was going to go with him and mama to the local VFW and play my $1.00’s worth of Bingo cards, which I never won a dime at.
And I will miss the hearing and telling of canning the peas and corn and peach perserves and putting up the green beans for winter. I will miss who is next in line to get a wedding quilt from the Quilting Bee.
I am going to miss out on so much just because they will not let me in to Party with them. Can you believe that. I mean for real. This is just too much. I never get to go out and have any fun. Do they even care that I have not been to a real party in over a year?
Ohhh and I hear tell that there is going to be an Ice Cream Social at the Community Center. For the SC’s of course.
Listen people, especially you SC’s out there. I may not have reached the age limit, but let me tell you something.
I have more missing teeth in my head than I have in my head.
I have silver in my hair… Ok so it is gray. I know that you can see right thru my attempts at hiding it with the reserve bottles of Miss Clairol and Revlon and the others I stash for emergency’s.
I have the perfect dress. It is faded with ugly flowers, developing tiny thread bare holes here and there and is faded and worn out and would be perfect for your party.
I haven’t shaved my legs in weeks just so I could blend in with you guys.
I am doing my part. Why can’t you see that I am trying my best at being a Senior Citizen and all you guys tell me to wait, don’t rush it, that I will be a SC before I know it.
And I have to accept the fact that they are just gonna get to party without me!