Hot and Hotter (sigh)

The words “Wow your Hot” was never applied to me. I was never Hot when it came right down to it. The closest that I came was “Cute, Sweet and Nice”. Nope, when God handed out Hot, he was sending it to people like my sisters, neices and daughters. I got left out, but that is ok since I have been blessed in other ways.
 But last night I did become “Hot”. I was Hotter than a two dollar pistol.
 It all started with dinner with a friend of mine. While we were sharing a nice crisp and cold salad, before our chicken came off the grill, I began to feel my feet get warm. It was uncomfortable, but I carried on with dinner with my guest and I did want to make a good impression since she had never had dinner with me before. But good impressions and good intentions were beyond me last night.
 Not only were my feet slowly raising in tempreture, but the heat began rising, and boy did it rise. In the blink of an eye, from my toes to my nose, my whole body was so hot that I could barely breathe and I swear I could feel steam coming out of my ears. I quickly excused myself and headed for my bedroom. If I had not had company, I would have stripped and have lain under the air for hours.
  I was sick to my stomach, my heart felt as if it had shot into my throat so I couldn’t breathe and on top of it all I could hear a roaring in my ears that was threatening to cause deafness. I was instantly transformed into a furnace. A furnace in July of all things. And then just as fast as the Flash hit me, it left leaving me covered in a terrible sweat. Now I know why they are called flashes because all of this was happening very quickly.
 Thank goodness my girlfriend was here. (Or maybe not since she witnessed my pitiful state).
 When she came to check on me, she tried to hide her amusement but I could see it in her eyes. She was having a grand old time pointing out the facts of “The Change”.
 Now I know why it is called the change. I felt like a being from another world. I was like, OMG what is happening to me and why?
Now I have had Hot Flashes before, but they were nothing like what I expereienced last night. In fact the ones that I had were what I now refer to as Braxton Hicks of Hot Flashes. Just like the womb tries to prepare the body for childbirth, the victim goes along saying, “Oh this isn’t that bad” or “Is this all there is to this birthing business”? Then labor hits you like a ton of bricks and your left totally unprepared for the ripping pain and the pitiful pleas of “I changed my mind, I do not want natural childbirth, I want, no I demand Drugs.” The last is screamed out in agony between contractions.
 My girlfriend told me all of the things that I can do that will help with the Hot Flashes, but she did not give me hope that they would never be this bad again. In fact she delighted in telling me that they would probably intensify a little more and that I could look forward to them for probably years to come.
 I know I stared at her in stupified disbelief. She said that normally a woman went thru the change for about 8 years but that it could last up to 12 or 13, even longer. (How come I do not remember this happening with my mom)?
 Well I can’t do this. Nope not I. So what am I to do?
 President Roosevelt’s mantra during the depression was “Do something, anything and if it didn’t work, then do something else”.
 So I have made up my mind that I am going to do the something else, I plan to get on the phone and make that Woman’s Heath Clinic visit and then I am planning on moving to the Artic Circle. That way if I have to run naked into the wild blue yonder to cool down, I can do it without anyone seeing me while I am one Hot Mama!!!

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