Starting Over Again


 I am tired of starting over again. And Again, and Again. I feel like I am homeless…. Oh wait, I am. I forgot for a minute.  BF and I have gone seperate ways. Was for the best but still hurts like hell and we are both NOT handling it well, but it is what it is.

 I am in Texas and from what I hear, my house was vandalized while I am at my daughters and took everything that I owned. I pray that the people that are supposed to be looking after my dogs are, I cannot stand the thought of them neglected or worse. What am I going to do with my dogs? I cannot bring them here.

 My cell phone died, bit the dust and crashed and burned. I have lost all of my contacts and numbers and by luck remembered a friends number, took a chance and called it and found out that someone else is living in my house.  I have got to get back there and turn off the utilities and stuff. I can barely afford to pay my bills let alone some one else’s and especially someone else that I don’t know.

 Oh I have to get off here before I start bawling again. And we all do not need that. TTYL

Melt Down and I guess it is about time.


It has been a hard day. I am so afraid of getting hooked on pain pills that I have been weaning myself off the stuff and while I am doing this I am getting really stressed. I have cried several times for barely any reason and Karyn came home from lunch today and said… Suck it up mom…. I am trying to adjust, it is just too much for now.

 The kids have taken over my computer but soon I am going to get it back and spend hours playing.  TTYL

 

Life Changes


On the 10th of April I had surgery that was supposed to have been a 3 inch incision. Instead it is a very long incision. From breast one to Pelvic. 3o staples and a 7 day hospital stay. I left feeling so ready to conquer the world. I did so well that I was kicked out of ICU way earlier than expected. I was up and walking and the physical therapist said that I didn’t need her since I was doing well.

 I am sure that a lot of this feeling of super woman had a lot to do with the drugs that they were giving me while I was in the hospital because when I got home, I knew without a doubt that I was in trouble. I could not get in and out of bed or turn over by myself. I could barely walk to the bathroom.

 My daughter decided that I needed to be with family so I can be watched and helped since the nearest hospital where I lived was over an hour away. So here I am in Austin Texas and I have been to the hospital twice since I have been here. Once for possible infection in which they removed the staples and treated my fever and again last night since I have been having severe pain due to my daughters little dog decided to take a running leap and land in the middle of my stomach.

 There was no damage done but I can expect this to be a painful recovery. The hit bruised my muscles that are still healing,  My progress is very slow, but I am alive and that is what counts.

 There are days where I feel like I can do more than the day before, then the next day may be one where I can barely get my butt up.

 I am going to be living in Austin now. From what I hear my house was vandalized a few days ago. I am not sure what is left. I cannot even cry at this point. I feel like I have endured all that I can for the time being and I just cannot think about it. I will have to go back in a couple of weeks and see what I have or not have.

 I applied for Social Security Disability and I was approved for one part but denied another part. $280.00 a month. I love my kids, but they need their privacy. This apartment is not big enough and I feel like I am intruding and I know that I am not, but I sleep with my daughter right now and her husband sleeps on the couch.

 I have to decide what I need to do, and how to do it. Thank goodness Karyn knows how to help me with the paper work.

 I have to go for now. I am lucky that on some days here I can pick up a signal for wi fi. Take care and TTYL.

Recovering Slowly


Hey all, Well I am slowly healing.I styed in the hospital a few extra days and I suppose that I am doing alright. It was a terrible ordeal.
Thank you Kathy for the phone call. I do remember it and our promise to get healthy!
Thank you to everyone who was at my side and supported me and a very big thank you to the dedicated nurses and dr.s and staff. You were Angels and I thank you.
Hope to post more soon. TTYL.

I am up and off to a busy day


I have a dr. appt at 8:30 and as soon as that is over I am going to catch up with friends and then do some sight seeing. Actually I am just going to go over to the farmers market, and check out some of the little out of the way neat spots.  I wish I had brought my camera. It is the one thing that I usually keep in my computer bag and forgot to put back in the last time I took some pictures.

I don’t know what got me this morning, but I started sneezing and could not stop. The more I tried the more I sneezed. I think that all of the allergy’s decided to attack me at once.

Well I have no news, so I am headed to the shower and will catch up when I can.. TTYL

I am tired


I had to be at the Hospital for a CT Scan which they were going to do an IV Contrast at 10:00 this morning. I was actually early or my appointment and had a minute to discuss the procedure before I noticed this funny look on the nurses face.

“ I will be right back.” she said and trotted off down the hall only to return with this man who told me that I was not going to be able to have the procedure due to the fact that the clinic did not let the hospital know that I am allergic to shellfish and Iodine and if they proceeded with the procedure then they could kill me.

We had to wait for my vascular appointment so we went down to the little area where they have food and drinks. I had a package of chips which is just what I did not need, but I ate them and checked out face book and checked out my email and then went upstairs to my appointment.

My dr. was in surgery so it was nearly 2:00 before I got to see him. They arranged for me to be drugged before my test tomorrow at 5:00 pm.

As of now I am laying up in a motel playing on my laptop and watching tv. It was 85 degrees here today and I have the a/c on. The tv is on the movie channel and I am relaxing.

We had dinner at the Waffle House and it was totally gross.  We finally just left. My hamburger was raw in the middle and we ordered a bowl of chili to split and we never got it. I sent my burger back and never saw it again. So we paid the bill and walked over to a gas station where I got a sandwich and chips to hold me over until in the morning.

I have an awesome friend who just happens to be a very expensive hair stylist and she is giving me the works before my surgery. I am getting my hair permed and cut and a manicure and pedicure. I feel a little embarrased at having her to see my feet. Right now my left foot has a large purple blotch and three of my toes are turning a horrid shade of purple too. I cannot cut my own toe nails and I really need to get them done before I let her see them.

It is a bitch getting old. It is even a bigger bitch getting old with diabetes. It is a horrible disease.

I have noticed that my eye sight is getting bad and that worries me more than anything because if there is anything that I love more than reading is being able to connect thru the internet with all of my friends. If something happens to my eyes I know that I will go nuts.

We walked over to the gas station and got something to drink. A good old fashioned mountain dew. It is so cold and good. A nice change from the usual.

I have really had a long day but I have enjoyed it for the most part. I think that getting away from the house and chilling at a motel is just what I needed. I think that I will do this more often. The next time I think that I will just cross over into Mississippi and stay at the Isle of Capri and stay the whole weekend.

I could even get one of my nights comped since I have a card and some points on it. I would love to go on up to Tunica and stay a couple of days.

Well that is todays update. I wish that I could post everyday.

We left the dogs at home and I miss them.  I feel so damn guilty. They will not know why we have not come home and I really hope that the person that is supposed to check on them and take them out to potty really does. The last time that I had to leave them alone, the man that was going to come and check on them didn’t. I don’t have to tell you what I came home too.

Gonna kick back and watch some tv. TTYL

Hellish Day!!


The Day From Hell

It was a day filled with plans that did not pan out from the moment that I stepped out of bed until I dropped back into it late last night and it was not a peaceful night considering my mouth is infected and hurt like a ball of fire. I took a pain pill and it didn’t even put a dent in the pain so I just had to focus and deal with it until I was able to drift off to sleep. I thought about taking a second one but I was afraid that it would make me sick so I didn’t chance it.

Once I was able to sleep I did alright until the dogs woke me up sometimes during the night to be let outside, then of course the pain started again. I am just gritting my teeth and looking at the clock, waiting for the dentist to open up and see if I can get an appt.

Yesterday as I said was terrible. It didn’t start out really bad, it was just one incident that snow balled into a mountain and ended in a huge fight. A fight that allowed us both to say things that we didn’t mean. Well alright maybe I did mean them. Knowing me as well as I do, but still it was the triggers of a frustrating day that started it all I am sure.

My appointment at the Vascular Lab was at 1:00 pm and we left here at 8:30 and at 10:30 we were like “Well what do you want to do now to pass the time away? ”  We decided to go to Lowes where he could price some of the tools he needed for work and stuff. My legs were hurting and I opted to stay in the garden center and wait on him but he said he wanted to look at some flooring so I trotted behind him and looked at power tools and so forth. We finally got to flooring and I was not impressed and said so. They had one free floating floor that was eh … ok. I was not about to commit to it tho.

We left and he decided, “Hey let’s go to the mall.”   Now mind you it, is raining cats and dogs and it was all kinds of bad. Walking out of the store, a woman was in tears and holding a blanket in the mouth of a toddler and had a screaming baby in a car seat. I seen blood and knew she was scared. The child tripped going inside the store and nearly bit his tongue off. It was litterly hanging on my a sliver.  OH Geeze, so of course I tried to help her, stop the child from screaming so she could call her husband. It was decided that she should go to the nearest hospital which was like 3 blocks from where we were instead of driving way across town to Childrens Hospital.

By the time that we got to the mall it was noon.  I said “Listen we need to be closer to the hospital so why don’t we just grab a burger somewhere and we can come back to the mall later.”  Made sense to me and he agreed so I looked to my left.  I said “Well there is Micky D’s, Burger King and Wendy’s if you want a burger, I see KFC and Taco Bell and Pizza Hut too, so you choose.”

I really did not care where we ate.  He said, “Well let’s just head towards the hospital and stop along the way.”  Ok fine. I started to turn to my left and he said rather loudly “Where are you going?”  ”To the hospital, where do you think I am going?”

“That is the wrong way, you go that way and you will be going opposite of the hospital.”   Ok I have a problem getting confused in traffic and especially in places that I dont usually go to but I knew that was not the right way. But he was insistant and so I told him that if we got lost it was his fault

. “I won’t get lost, I know where I am.”

Famous last words. We were not only lost, we were hopelessly lost. Stopping 3 times to ask for directions, we finally got to a part of town that I knew and I went the way that I knew from there listening all the while that I was going in the wrong direction. He bitched and moaned that I was not going in the right direction until he spotted the exit for the hospital himself.

If I hadn’t been battleing the thunder storm with heavy rain, idiot drivers and a broken wiper blade, (yes it broke somewhere along the way) I would have RUBBED it in. But I didn’t. I didn’t have the time or energy to argue. I was just wanting to get it over with.

I then had to fight the parking garage, finally found a parking spot on the very top at employees parking and prayed that I wouldn’t get a ticket and I parked. I was dripping wet by the time that I got to the elevators and remembered I had left my jacket in the car so not only was I soaking wet, I was freezing my ass off too. Now he hurried on over to the elevators and stood staring at me as if I was walking slow just to irritate him.

Hell No, I am at the hospital to have a test done because I can hardly walk with these blockages.

Finally the elevators stop on the 3rd floor. He gets off. What are you doing? Come on, your going to be late.

Going to be late???? Honey I was late 45 minutes ago.

“This is not the right floor. I need to be on 4 not 3.”

“No it is right here, see radiology.”   Of course it was not the right place. It was on the 3rd floor of the new hospital so I had to walk and walk and walk and when I finally got to the right place they had to work me in because I had missed my appt.

Test done. No change. The blockages are not any better but they are not any worse either. By the time I got finished I was starving because I had not eaten and so he says   “Lets go to the cafeteria and get something to tide us over. We will have a nice meal later.”   Ok that worked. My mouth was hurting so I chose some mashed potatoes and gravy with a roll. He got a strawberry parfait.

By the time that I got back to the car, my feet were soaking wet due to the fact that my shoes had sprung a leak or a few leaks I should say. He needed to go to Home Depot since he didnt find what he wanted at Lowes. I was exhausted by this time and said I would be sitting in the garden center at the patio furniture when he was done. It seemed that I had just sat down when he came up and said, “Hey I want to show you something.”

I got up and followed him like a puppy to the flooring section. I did find what I was looking for and we agreed it was what we wanted for the front part of the house. By this time I had my energy back and said I wanted to look at the bathroom vanities and he said he would meet me over there when he finished with his estimate on the flooring.  I was checking out the vanities and found one that I liked but it would not work with the sink bowl that I found and the man helping me said that he would check and see if he could special order it and find out the cost. I made it clear that I was just looking, not buying. Well he could order it for $449.00 and I said….. Thanks but no thanks. It was pretty but not that damn pretty.

I met up with the BF and we trotted to the front of the store and I looked at a couple of ceiling fans and came across some good deals on cleaning supplies and so I got them and while we were checking out I said I needed to go to Wal-Mart and get some shoes because my inside seam on one shoe was out and the toe of the other was coming un done.  Wal-Mart was just right across the street and the rain was really bad. We lost power in Home Depot, the wind was blowing hard and to tell the truth I was wanting to just wait it out. I suggested that we go to the nearest Wal-Mart and it was a super center at that and I could get my shoes.

Besides I ADDED that I needed to look at a few things since I didn’t know when I would be able to get back to Wal-Mart.

But no… we ended up going to the one on the way home, which is not a super center and so I thought, well ok it is close to my favorite mexican place so on the way out I could pull in and order a couple of dinners to go. I certainly did not feel like cooking. It was already after 5:00 so when I walked in I saw all of these specials, I turned and went to get a basket and BF said…

“ You don’t need a basket for shoes.”

I ignored him and he disappeared over to the shoe section. I followed and broused thru a couple of isles and found what I was looking for but I wanted Dr. Scholls and all I found were Danskin.

Cheap too.

$9.97.

I did not want cheap Danskin shoes for a variety of reasons.

Reason 1.  Buy a cheap shoe and that is just what your gonna get, a cheap shoe.

2.  It is important as I am a diabetic to get a good shoe.

3. I really did not like the Danskin shoe.

4. I really did not want the Danskin shoe.

But while I was trying on the shoe that I decided I wanted, he put the Danskin shoes in the basket and I said, “Well I really hadn’t made up my mind about the shoes yet” but off he went.

Alright so I can overlook the shoes.

I am not sure what bug crawled up his ass and died but alright the shoe isn’t that bad and I will get another pair later.

I stopped to look at socks. I had just bought socks a couple of weeks ago and when I got home I discovered that they were girls and are too small for me. I will take them back when I go back to the store I bought them from. So I am looking at socks and he had this totally disgusted look on his face.

I said… “What’s wrong with you?” and he said “Nothing is wrong with me.”  So I continued looking and found the ones I liked and he snatched them out of my hand and threw them in the buggy and off he trotted to the check out.

I stood there thinking WTF was that all about. I found him as he was checking out and I my temper had just boiled over.

“Did it occur to you that I am not ready to leave just yet.”

“Do you remember that I told you I had a few things I needed to check on while I was here since I never get to Wal-Mart except once a month if that?”

“Don’t you think you could have been just a little bit more considerate of my feelings and while we are at it, I do not appreciate you making my choices for me thank you very much. You can just put the damn shoes and socks back. I don’t want them.”

I went out to the car, fuming and when he got in the car he said

“Well thank you for embarrassing me in front of all of those people. I can just imagine what they thought.”

I did not take a deep breath and count to ten.

I said  ”Buddy you better be more worried about what I think of you right now. I don’t give a shit about what ever anybody else thinks.”

Well it went from there. By the time I started the car and headed home, he decided he wants out of our relationship due to the fact that I embarrassed him.

I said….  ”Fine, no time like the present is there, get the fuck out of my car.”

I stopped in the middle of the parking lot and said “You want out then you got it.”

Of course he didn’t get out but we did not speak all the way back home and it was a long 2 hours let me tell you.  When we got home I retrieved the receipt for the shoes and socks. I counted out 17.97 and put it on the table. It is still sitting there.

He wrote me a note that said “I am sorry that I acted like a jerk. I was just tired and I am sorry and I love you.”

I took the shoes and socks and put them on the table with a note that said…

“I am sorry that you were a jerk too but you can take these shoes and socks and shove them up your ass.”

Maybe I am being a jerk now but damn it, he was in a bad mood from the get go yesterday and I have been tolerant. I followed him around Lowes and Home Depot like a puppy and not once did I complain so he could have spared me a half hour.

I was frustrated that I missed my appointment and was late, but I didn’t act like a bitch. I could have blamed him and made an issue out of it, but I didn’t. Honestly I was frustrated as hell, but I let it go. Shit appens and that was that.

And you know what else?

I was so pissed off that I did not go by my favorite mexican place and order dinner. I came home and tossed some pork chops in the oven and a potato in the microwave and heated up some left over stirfry rice and veggies and I went to bed. If he wanted to eat then he had to finish it. I think that he was pretty damn lucky that I thought about feeding him in the first place. I could have just gone to bed and he could have fended for himself, but I didn’t.

I will see how the attitude is tonight. I am sure that it will be a lot better. We usually do not fight like this. His attitude yesterday was totally out of character for him. He has never acted like this before so I am not sure what the problem was. Perhaps he is having his PMS time or something.

Now for a change of subject…

My ex daughter in law had a dr.s appt and just called and said that she is full term, the baby is in the birthing position and she could be going into labor any time now. We are so eager for this little boy to get here. I know that he is not my grandson, but he is my grandsons little brother so he will be like mine too. I will spoil him as rotten as the rest of them. His name will be Conner James and I am hoping that she has an easy delivery.

I will ask if I can post about her and the little one on FB. If I ever get my sorry butt over to my friends house to use her internet.

I called the dentist and he is out of the office until Monday. I am afraid that I cannot last that long. I may not have a choice tho. He is the only one that is reasonable that I can afford in my area. The only other dentist is close but the last time that I went to him it was $145.00 and I do not have that much money. But I might need to go so I can get antibotics and something for pain.

I received my garden catalog in the mail and have been plotting my gardens. At the side of my house I have a shaded area where I will have a patio table and chairs. My friend gave me some blocks so they will be gorgeous out there. The 8′x 4′ area I have planned will be filled with mixed foxglove, lady fern, bleeding heart, mixed primrose and amethyst astible. It is perfect for shade and deer resistant.

In the back I will have several garden areas because it is a very big area.  A 6′x 12′ area will have an abundance of what I already named above along with some specialty flowers. Variegated Weigela for my birds, carpet lily in two toned shades of pink, gaillardia mix of red and yellow will look great with some zebra grass and I found some Japanese Forest grass that I just have to have and some ferns.  I have some day lillies that survived the flood and are growing wild so I will let them be.

I will transplant some cane and add hot spots of color along with a couple of benches and solar lights and a few bird feeders so they will leave the flowers to the bees and butterflies.  This is my plan, this week after the rain stops I am going out with my camera and take some pictures. It is really a big mess out there.

The flood really did a number on the yard and then the city sent out some prisoners to clear some trees and underbrush to be able to run a new sewer line out back, so all that brush has to be cleaned up and burned, and of course if it dries up enough so we can get back there and get the wood so we can have firewood for next winter.  By summer I hope to have a beautiful back yard. I found a blue spruce that will grow in my area and I am going to get it when I can. I have big plans.

The front yard is not going to be an easy fix either since the flood killed everything out there except the cane I had growing. But it faces the east so I will have a lot of morning sun. I don’t have a vision for it yet. The reason is that we are adding a deck to the front of the house and our main water line has to be moved and I want that done and the deck finished before I can really landscape it. I have a lot of ideas but it is time and money and I will have to do it all a little at a time.

Well I guess I need to get off here and see if I can borrow my friends internet. I will TTYL.

UP Date… Well things are good on the home front again. Groveling was done in style. He is forgiven at least for now lol…. TTYL

New Charger On Order


I ordered a new charger for my laptop and it will be in within 7 to 10 business days. So I am stuck at the library a little longer and I feel so out of place because I at least had things that I was doing on my laptop that didn’t require the internet and I am biting my fingernails in frustration.

My laptop is my addiction. I thought that it was chocolate, but it isn’t. I thought that it would be, but it is my computer and my cell phone. My cell phone is keeping me from going insane at the moment. I changed my password and now my phone will allow me to access FB so that is good. I wish I had a better phone because it would be nice to be able to play words or see video’s.

I am checking on a friend today.  He works for the water department and I was told last night that he was attacked by a dog yesterday. He is a meter reader and we are all supposed to keep our dogs registered and kept up and so many people don’t and now my friend is attacked and if they cannot find the owner of this dog, if no one claims him then my friend will have to under go rabie shots.

This is sad, most of my minutes is up…. gotta go. TTYL

My Charger and I


Hello my friends,
My laptop computer charger caught fire. Yes this is the 3rd charger in 2 years that has died. I am hoping to get another one soon, but in the mean time I am destined to use the library;s computer.
What can I tell you in the alloted 30 minutes that I have.
Isn’t that terrible?
I only have a half hour to check my email, play words with friends, post here and all of the other stuff I like to do.
So if I want to do anything else I guess I need to get off here and go and do it.
I know I will be at the library tuesday, wednesday and thursday of this week. Take care until tomorrow.


Just A Post

What a glorious day. It is in the mid 60′s, the sun is shining and it is just gorgeous. I plan to get out and do some yard work after I post this.  I started this last night and so I decided that I would add to it just a little bit because some of it is venting and I want to let it be known that I do not vent all of the time.

I am taking a medication and had some terrible side effects to it. I thought that I was having a heart attack, but when I stopped panicing then I realized I wasn’t. I had a terrible case of stomach upset and dizziness. Anyway I called my dr. and I am off the medication.  I want a total re-evaluation of my medication done. I do not believe that I need all of these pills.

I go back to the dr. soon and I am ready for some alternate medical options. I have even thought of going to a natural clinic, one that uses herbs and such because I truely believe that this stuff that they call modern medicine in pill form is killing us.  Well not all…… I am not against modern medicine by no means, I just think that there has to be a better way to control diabetes, high blood pressure and stuff.

And stuff it is….

Oh and I added a poem I believe in my last post. If you did not get a chance to read it, I hope that you will get a chance to. It is called The Final Inspection. Please take the time to read it. Thank you.

And here is the rest of this post all about food.

I am fifty two years old and have fought a food battle all of my life. I am what my dr. calls a carb addict. I crave carbs and it makes eating healthy a real challenge. With my diabetic diet, my nutritionist broke down my carbs and gave me a meal plan.  30 carbs for breakfast, lunch and dinner and 15 carbs for my snacks three times a day. That is a total of 135 carbs a day. Read the labels and be prepared at how many carbs we ingest and not even realize it.  I cannot remember how many carbs it takes to make a pound, but let me tell you that it can get out of control really fast.

Let me also inform you that most fat free and light products are usually, not always but usually higher in carbs than if you just eat the regular stuff. They have to make it taste better so they add to it, usually more perservatives and there fore more carbs.

So here is an example meal plan for me… Baked chicken breast with brown rice, a lettuce, tomato and cucumber dinner salad, ranch dressing, mixed veggies consisting of brocolli, cauliflower and carrots.  Chicken is not a carb so that does not count. What I put on that chicken is what counts…say BBQ sauce for example makes that peice of chicken a carb food. I do not have any BBQ sauce here in the house so I can’t tell you what it would be but I am sure it will add 12-15 carbs because of the sugars. That is another thing that has to be watched because sugar is carbs and it is hidden everywhere and in everything.  1 cup of brown rice (plain) and I mean nothing added. No soy sauce, or butter or any of that stuff is 31 carbs. (Did you see that I just passed my daily allowance for dinner at 30 carbs?)  Dinner salad with ranch dressing… 2 Tbsp of regular ranch is 3 carbs… (Diet dressing is higher in carbs.) I have a trick here. I actually have my dressing on the side and I dip my fork into the dressing and then into my salad. My salad does not get soggy and I am saving by not getting extra sodium and calories and in some case fats.

So I figure that the meal above is calculated at 39 carbs, which is 9 carbs over my limit. Now I have several choices. The first choice is that I can eat it anyway and deduct 9 carbs from my night time snack, which is near impossible to do, or I can cut my meal basically in half. I can have the chicken and a half a cup of rice, which is what I would do and double up on the salad veggies and half of the cooked veggies.  Why does that work for me? I get full really easy. It is enough food for me.  But it is not always possible to eat like that.

There is no bread here in this meal because bread is a starch and starch is carbs. If I had a nice fat roll to go with my dinner, I know I would have to have it dripping with butter which that is a big no no. There is no dessert here either. There is no glass of wine here either.

My diet is a struggle and I deal with it every day because I do get tired of eating baked chicken and salad and brocolli and cauliflower are becoming gross to me. I am tired of eating it. I have come to hate green beans and spinach and brocolli and carrots and cauliflower.  I have eaten it all so much that I am sick of it.

I am sick of chicken too. I try and cook it different each time, but at the end of the day if it looks like chicken then it tastes like chicken and I am sick of chicken. I bake it with free foods like onion and bell pepper, roasted tomatoes and garlic with wine vinegarette, I de-bone it and add it to salads and I grill it. But I am very tired of chicken. So I have been laying off of meat for a while. I am trying to cut it out of my diet except for twice a week.  I have to watch for hidden carbs in condiments as well. Ketchup and mayo, and even the spicy mustards have a lot of carbs when you have to count carbs and make the most out of them.

Here is another rule of thumb. If it comes in a box or is premade then it is loaded with carbs. I love those marinades like the carribean jerk and the exotic sounding names. Hawaiian pineapple sounds so good and it is delicious. Just read the back of the label for the carb count amd I cringe and do not even bother buying it except occassionally. For a normal person it might not be so bad but for me I have to count those carbs into my meal plan. If I eat a peice of chicken with that marinade, it is not the end of the world, I just have to eat in moderation.  When I do use marinades like that I really watch how much I eat. I will eat half of something so I do not feel deprived.

When I was growing up my mom fried everything. I grew up in the south and I swear, we survived on grease. We ate fried chicken, fried pork chops, chicken fried steak, fried catfish, fried liver and onions, fried squash, fried okra, fried potatoes, fried….. you name it.  And then there was all that other food that consisted of mashed potatoes and gravy, fried eggs, flap jacks, fried bacon and sausage. Cornbread fixed with bacon grease, scalded cornbread fried on top of the stove.. All of these foods are delicious and it is hard after a life time of eating them to cut them out of my diet.

No wonder I have blockages.

I stopped eating that kind of food on a regular basis 20 years ago. But the damage was done. I have adapted relatively easy to eating wholesome foods now flavored lightly or with herbs.  I rarely use splenda. It does not do well for me. I have trouble with shaking and seizures when I use splenda on a regular basis. Just another thing I have crossed off my list.

I have learned that egg beaters are my friend and butter and margarine are not.  I have learned that I can still have some butter on my baked potato as long as I do not over do it and I limit myself to a baked potato once or twice a month. I know what I should and should not eat and I know the conquences which brings me to a news story I saw this morning on tv.

The experts have done all these studies on kids and school menu’s and say they are trying for a healthier solution. They said that it is a proven fact that if it looks and tastes good kids will eat it, if it looks or tastes healthy kids will not.

OK what is wrong with this picture?

I think that healthy eating  starts at home.

I will tell you this. My mom catered to my dad and little sister when it came to meals. My dad had to have certain foods or he would not eat. Example… no baked chicken for him. His had better be fried. Same thing with my sister. She ate what he ate and is very picky to this day.

Parents are allowing their children be picky eaters. I saw what my mom had to go thru. She would put this nice meal on the table and all hell would break loose from my dad and sister and she would get up from the table and go and prepare another meal to suit them.

I said… I would never do that I never did. If I made something and my kids did not eat it, they just didn’t eat it and over the years I knew what my family liked or didn’t like, which is very little. Jonathan does not like mashed potatoes. He was sick with a stomach virus once and he ate some mashed potatoes and they came up and to this day he steers away from the mashed potatoes. So I added stove top stuffing to the menu when he was growing up so there was something that he liked too. Mashed potatoes is all I can think of that he didn’t care for.

Karyn and Laurie are both well rounded eaters. Laurie is very conscious of germs and nutrition and buys organic when she can. Nathan eats everything that I make except fish. He is not a fish eater like myself, but on occassion I will buy some frozen filets or something and he will pass but eats everything else. Now Matthew’s preference is more to junk food. Give him a choice of something homemade and a pizza he will go for the pizza. But he eats what is set before him and is thankful. At my house at least.

I think that the schools should go back to the days when cafeteria’s prepared real food and get all of this junk food out of the way. There is nothing wrong with real food. It is the parents who allow their kids to eat as much as they want of the  unhealthy stuff and then they become picky and refuse to eat real food.

I have a girlfriend who’s youngest son is a senior this year and every morning when he goes to school she gives him money to stop and get some chicken nuggets or a corn dog before school and when he gets home she has deep fried him 6 to 8 chicken wings and french fries because he is hungry. This kid rarely deviates from this diet. This is what he eats. How his mother caters to him. He whined one day when she didn’t get to the store to get his chicken to fry. I had never seen such carrying on. She offered to fix him a whole lot of things, things I would not have cooked for him. He whined and cried and carried on until she gave him the money to go to the store and buy some chicken wings.  If he had been my kid I would have said.. “I guess you will have to wait until dinner and eat what I make.”

Of course when my kids came home from school they hit the fridge too. They usually made a sandwich and a glass of milk or something like that. They darn sure did not start cooking or me either.  Occassionally Karyn would fry up some french fries and toss chili and cheese over it for them all to share, but that was not often.  But we ate early when they were in school anyway. They got home at 3:30 and we were eating by 5:30 or 6:00 so a small snack held them over.

Anyway, I am of the opinion that schools should offer real food and get rid of the chicken nuggets, pizza and things that are considered appetizers. I was in a discussion at the store the other day with a man and woman. He was shopping for his kids lunches. He said that he would rather them eat pb and j rather than ingest all the fat that the school offered, The other lady said that they were having a meeting because of all of the food choices of the board. She said she could fix pizza sticks at home for her kids if that was what she wanted them to eat.

Trust me when kids got hungry enough they would eat what they were offered.

Now am I being critical?

Yes I am.

People all over the world are starving to death and yet we throw food away that could feed thousands. We have people here in our own cities starving. People are going to bed at night hungry, they go to work and school hungry and yet  we have some stupid expert on tv that says that the schools have to make the food look fun so kids will eat it. That is just crap to me. Sorry but it is.  Also I believe that the food stamp program should be revamped. I believe that a person should not be allowed to buy as much junk food as they do. Of course every household should be allowed to buy treats, what I mean is so much of it.

My son and daughter in law for example received $300.00 a month in food stamps when they first got together. She also got WIC and it was just the 2 of them. She was pregnant so she got more benefits. Most of everything she bought was stuff like frozen pizza’s, hot pockets, chips, dip, candy, cookies, and tv dinners. Hot dogs, lunch meat and breads, canned soup, canned spaghetti, raviolli, frozen things like chicken nuggets and taquitos, corn dogs, pizza rolls, and stuff like that oh and top romen soup. They lived off that soup stuff.

She did not really buy foods to cook or to make a meal, like cooking a meat loaf and potatoes. If it was not hamburger helper and out of a box she did not cook it. I am sorry to say that I feel she was too lazy to cook a real meal. It was easier to pop a pizza in the oven.  And that might be all that she would make. A box of hamburger helper, some tv dinners, pizza rolls, burritos etc. Or many nights it was just a bowl of cereal for dinner.

They did not complain, that is what they wanted I suppose, but my point is, if they did not have the access to buy so much easy convient foods then they would have to take the time to make more nutritional meals.  And of course by the end of the month they had nothing to eat because all of it was gone. Especially stuff like Little Debbies, ice cream bars, sodas, and stuff like that.

Brad called me one day from work and said mom could you please make me a sandwich, I am so hungry. They had split some chicken nuggets the night before and had a couple of graham crackers and milk. I made him some food, carried it to him and when he got home that night I told them both that was crazy as hell to be hungry because their stamps should have lasted all month. It was barely 2 weeks after getting them that they had nothing to eat.

She finally did start doing a lot better but they had to learn on their own that if they wanted their stamps to stretch then they needed to shop a little wiser than they had been doing.

A lady in line in front of me the other day had her buggy loaded down with a huge birthday cake, and everything to go for a party. She had like 6 or 7 bags of chips, gallons of koolaid type punch, tons of sodas, 12 packs, and ice cream, Blue Bell ice cream at that!! I am sure she had a few other things too. Her little girl was having her 7th birthday. Of course we talked as she checked out because I am a talker. It was going to be a big party too. The woman said that her family was coming in from Florida for this party.

Now I do not begrudge a birthday party for a little girl or for anyone, but she spent over $100.00 and I know this because I was standing right their when the cashier told her the amount. She whipped out her EBT card and paid for it and never blinked an eye.  I know that it is not any of my business what she put in her cart or what she bought or how she paid for it, but it bothers me because I know people who would have eaten all week on $100.00 but they do not qualify for foodstamps.

I just think that there should be some kind of limit that’s all.  I guess that I am over sensitive on this issue because so many people are in such need and they are hungry and so many abuse the system and so many people waste food.

And I guess I should get off my rant and try and fix dinner. I have a great meal planned tonight. It is called left overs…. TTYL